Marrying well in the twenty-first century necessitates a jumble of information from previous generations. The most difficult part is committing to the level of integrity and self-reflection needed to take the leap and remain “in love” afterward.
If you’re looking for your version of happily ever after right now, there are two simple things you can do.
A. You must be sure if what you really want is marriage.
This is the first step to take because the mind controls all your physical actions. Marriage can be a pain. Our Lifetime movies and romance novels celebrate all of the positive aspects of marrying two adults: companionship, honeymooning, and laughter. However, we must not overlook the inevitable drawbacks: Seasons of loneliness (while together), the rollercoaster of marital strife (even over trivial matters), and the long-term frustration and dissatisfaction that can linger for years if couples aren’t careful.
When you’re single, you’ll experience feelings of isolation, conflict, frustration, and resentment. This is a natural part of the human experience, and your future partner will go through it as well. The frustrations of your individual human encounters do not end when you marry. They have been united in holy matrimony. But make sure you’re able to deal with two people’s drama for the rest of your life. Make sure you’re certain.
B. You must build outstanding self-discipline.
DATING FOR MARRIAGE IS NOT THE SAME AS DATING FOR Pleasure. When you’re dating for pleasure, the focus of your dinner conversation is on spicing up the moment, first impressions, and possibly sex — casual, passionate sex. For a couple of dates, that’s fine.
If you’re dating to find a life partner, therefore, you’re searching for unique cultural traits that indicate a possibility of long-term success. We like to assume that opposites attract, but it all depends on how two opposite people act. You must share certain morals and principles. Take a look at the most popular reasons for divorce if you don’t believe me such as; conflict, deception, cheating, and a lack of devotion.
There’s an oil tanker full of disagreements about wealth, children, faith, levels of affection, and work-life balance hidden in that major C-word, “conflict.” As a result, when dating for marriage, you must have the self-discipline to look for the existence of widely prioritized shared principles and values on purpose. You must be aware of the main values and traditions that you cannot do without. And, if you don’t share those non-negotiables with your date, you’ll need the self-control to leave quickly and politely.
After all, only one great spouse is needed. You can’t have everyone.
If you can’t be happy with yourself, you can’t be happy with someone else. This takes me back to a key point I made at the start of this post: the most difficult part is sticking to the level of authenticity and self-reflection needed to take the leap and remain “in love” afterwards.
You won’t be able to be happily married if you can’t be honest with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses. What’s the harm? Your partner would hate you because you don’t admit when you’re wrong. You’ll probably be bad at speaking up when you’re right, and the rest of your family will lose out on your knowledge. You’re going to be irritated by it. Nobody is flawless, and we could all use a little grace now and then. But be frank about it so you can learn to give grace in exchange.
If you’re a woman/man chaser, an abuser, an addict, a money waster… It is unjust to hold another person accountable for influencing you and them if you are out of your own control in some way. It is simply impossible for someone else to control you and your nature, financially secure, and deliberate choices. You’ll probably continue to be out of control (which is your choice), and you’ll probably ruin someone else’s balance and your marriage as a result.
If you can’t stop yourself from doing… well… something too much (eating, swearing, drinking, going to church, disciplining, whining, working out, etc. ), just take a time-out. Marriage is a game for those who are calm and focused.
Decide if marriage is really what you need, expand your dating possibilities, and improve your self-discipline. You have a greater chance of marrying and marrying well these days if you really have your self and your own life under control (as much as any person can have those things under control).